Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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