I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
well, you know. whores of a feather.
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