A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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