Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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