Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
this boner is exhausting
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
