oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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