so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
