Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
