I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
one two three fourrrrnication!
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
