Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
