some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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