omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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