I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
