There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
