She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
