you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
