I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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