I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
