I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
