i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
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I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
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Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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