I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
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Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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