he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
