Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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