I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
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Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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