She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
that may or may not have been my penis.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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