I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Did you just see the Batmobile???
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
