then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
There was a lot of him and a little penis
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
