Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
