My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
i think my cat just said my name.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Randomize
