Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
jump out the window naked night went bad
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