too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
