please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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