Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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