Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
