Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
