He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
