"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
