Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
