My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
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i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
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