I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
