your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
