He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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