The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize