do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
MIDGETS
????
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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