i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
