I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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