I hate your face
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
