I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
