You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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