you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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