she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
