I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
