dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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