I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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