Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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