grandma shit on top of the toilet
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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