i jhust puked up my retainher.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
