I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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