All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
