so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
