I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
