I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
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i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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