Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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