Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
