I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
