Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
