Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
