I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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