everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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