There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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