You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
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I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
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Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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