she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
