the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You may now shotgun with the bride
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
